Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
