The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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