i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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