why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You are a genius and a whore.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
