ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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