Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
