Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
