who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
