At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
