remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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