Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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