how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
