he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The struggles of a small town man whore
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize