His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
