I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
