I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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