She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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