What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
