I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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