omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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