My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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