Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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