i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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