ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
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