is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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