Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize