think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
