YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
