I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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