What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
That was before I lit my hair on fire
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize