Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
