Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
