we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
