Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
