I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
