You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
