Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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