i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
