And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
my being single is dangerous.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
