There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
