genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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