That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
