im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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