how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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