Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
