just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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