Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
