I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize