Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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