I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Enjoy the penises
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
