Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I need a burrito and a hug.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
