I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
