I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
