my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
