Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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