what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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