yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Pants are for mortals
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
