My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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