it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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