I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
