You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
