Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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