Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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