if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
