if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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