Kiss
Puke
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
